The Hymns of Hailey

1

I had never know night before you.

I had only know a yellow ring, warm and welcoming, and

Birds that played a melody in my ribcage.

I had only known pancakes with syrup and butter.

I had only known opened curtains where the sun resigned in my side and beds that were made.

I had only known the illumination on your backbone.

Night time.

Night time is the place where I feel safe to sleep on a world that is afraid to be awake.

A place where your embrace feels like a wish that came true.

I know night time the way it is.

I know night time by the way the moon highlights your cheek, as

We rest in a bed made of hollow stars and promising moons.  

I know  night time not by the way my skin ignited but

By the way it danced on my temple.  

I know night time the way it is;

You.

– Hailey White

 

2

Hurt people hurt people and

I should have realized you were a sore that would never heal,

Because you brought out the worst of me and

Everything was always a third degree burn and

Every word you said stuck with me and

Everything you did stuck with me because you’re stuck with me.

But heaven should have known I was hellbent on you, hellbent on all of it.

But were you?

I wish.

What does she have that I don’t?

What did she say that caught you and

Why can’t I catch you like that anymore?

Probably because I’m a lover not a fighter but

I promise you I’ll always fight for what I love.  

You’re messing with my head

It’s always a game with you

My feelings a joke to you and

Still, no matter what I come to you.

I come to you even though your demons took your place in my bed and

Even though every memory haunts my head and

Even though your hands are free to hold

I can’t touch them

I can’t touch them because your skin isn’t like a soft brush stroke

It’s become a nail on a chalkboard, and your voice.  

Your voice.

I hear it in my nightmares and

I feel it in my veins when my heart aches your name because we aren’t dazing anymore.  

And you don’t care because

You don’t remember me when you’re pulling on her jeans,

But trust me, I understand

Because I’m a storm of feelings I’m so unappealing to you

And thanks to you I’ll cling to this bottle and I’ll wallow too deep

And I’ll shower in your devious down pour all over again.  

-Hailey White

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